Brooding and the Male Species

"ahh, the feeling of the unknown. I have to say, I do love the feeling of having a new guy in my life. That jittery feeling you get when your phone goes off....and then the disappointment when you see it's only your friend calling you."

That's what I wrote at the beginning of an entry on the first of last month. Considering the guy I was referring to had only been in my life for three weeks at that point, it's a bit cheesy. Since then we've, well, I've decided that we're not going anywhere and decided it would simply stay as a no strings type thing. That's all well and good, except at first I started to develop feelings for him and then that jittery feeling was replaced by resentment and bitterness. One night it clicked. I don't want this anymore. I still saw him once after that. A girls got needs and he is a fit and hot as guy. Don't judge me. So now I've decided I'm on the straight and narrow. No more mucking around. It's time to get serious about guys. I'm ready for livIng together and all that business. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I have a friend who I've been thinking about differently lately. I've been friends with him for a long time; he's one of my ex's friends. That's one problem. But I don't think it's a biggie since we've been broken up for over two years and he now has a new girlfriend and a baby with her. But this guy "N", is completely different to any other guy I've met here. He's really nice without being creepy, attractive, has a good job, he's smart and not to mention hilarious. I liked him when I was going out with my ex. I sort of stuck around with him a little bit longer than I should due to loving his friends. Big mistake, I know. But at the time I was twenty and a little naive. I really wish I'd met him first. I think he's got the idea that I'm not really the settling type. I quote "I'm a one girl kinda guy." Ouch. I suppose I haven't been. I've been going out with guys who really aren't boyfriend material and just haven't realised it until it's too late. Talk about naive and oblivious!! It's the hair I tell you. So now I don't know if I've blown any chance I had with him or if I should even try. I really want to try but if it's a waste of time and it ruins any form of friendship with him, I don't know if it's worth it. It's a dilemma and a half. A right pickle.

Enough brooding.